I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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