Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
