You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
