I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
