does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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