i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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