I accidentally had phone sex last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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