Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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