Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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