she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
