I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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