Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
