i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
