We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
