ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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