Someone shit on the floor
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize