My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
