totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
