I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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