don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
