also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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