You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
