I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
