i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize