So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
