I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
