Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
