Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
