You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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