saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
