Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
