cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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