Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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