Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
