so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
