In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
