Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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