just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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