How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
