He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
