somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
