the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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