her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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