i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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