I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
