what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
