Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
