Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
