I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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