Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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