We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
