Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
