she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
