she was so not down for the gang bang
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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