why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
