so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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