I think I won the penis lottery.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
