i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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