Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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