You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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