i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
