I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize