so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
