can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
