So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
