Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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