dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
