Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
