how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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