An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
