just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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