I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
