theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
