Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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