I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
