wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
