Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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