the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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