i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
