Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
