You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
