well you can't waste a boner
i will never coherently bang her
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
